giving up
Wednesday, February 16, 2005 @ 1:40 pm
It seems too many things have been happening which is slowly but surely eating away at me. I just want to retreat into a corner, away from everything else. I can already see myself sitting at a corner, a little deranged, a little crazy, mumbling to myself, all sanity thrown out of the window. The only thing or only being keeping me sane is God (besides my better half who willingly listens to my whining and wipes away my tears).
I would retreat if I could. Or maybe I can?
People are just too complicated for me. I never used to experience such complex emotions just from dealing with people. Or such complicated relationships. I used to think my strength was inter-personal skills but today, I beg to differ. Is it an innate need in human beings to hurt others? It's a cliche but why can't we all just get along, instead of superficially putting up with each other, and grabbing every chance to wield the knife we hide in our backpacks? Is it too much to ask for some thought to go before the words, some reflection before the actions? Does it take too much out of a person, or make you too nice a person to earn the respect of those in the world?
I want to cry out now. No, wail my heart out. I want to hit something. I want to kick something.
Faced with all these, I am at my wit's end. I simply don't know what to do, or what is the next best course of action. The best solution in my simple mind is to just give up and run away.
God, what should I do?
I would retreat if I could. Or maybe I can?
People are just too complicated for me. I never used to experience such complex emotions just from dealing with people. Or such complicated relationships. I used to think my strength was inter-personal skills but today, I beg to differ. Is it an innate need in human beings to hurt others? It's a cliche but why can't we all just get along, instead of superficially putting up with each other, and grabbing every chance to wield the knife we hide in our backpacks? Is it too much to ask for some thought to go before the words, some reflection before the actions? Does it take too much out of a person, or make you too nice a person to earn the respect of those in the world?
I want to cry out now. No, wail my heart out. I want to hit something. I want to kick something.
Faced with all these, I am at my wit's end. I simply don't know what to do, or what is the next best course of action. The best solution in my simple mind is to just give up and run away.
God, what should I do?
