running on emptiness

emptiness counts for nothing when you lean not on your own strength

torn between

Part of me wants to be magnamanious and let go, while the other part secretly craves to keep it for myself. What do you do then? It's like playing a tug-of-war with myself knowing full well, in the end, the one that falls will still be me. Can I be selfish then? But when I do, I feel bad about it. And yet generosity doesn't feel great all the time.

The complexities of the situation is giving me a headache.
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