Sunday, January 16, 2005 @ 1:25 am
How do you deal with temptation, or rather a weakness of the physical being? Sometimes even though I know very well in my head that some things are not meant to be done, I still do so inspite of the knowledge. Why?
Then after that, I waste the energy feeling guilty and berate myself for losing my sense of control. And yet, the aftermath could simply be a result of trying to make myself feel better (for lack of better words). It's all a little confusing and I wish I knew how to express them in words, but I guess for now, I can only ask and explain it to myself.
Thursday, January 13, 2005 @ 6:43 pm
Am thinking of what to add to the blog lately. Attempted to put a tag-board but something was wrong with the margin. Then thought why bother when no one knows about it yet?
I'm not too sure what to write recently. Perhaps it's because after a while, I always seem to encounter the same problem and before long, it becomes a whining and ranting session.
I feel I could be at my crossroad this year. Things are gonna be changed. What exactly? Recall one of my fave poems.
THE ROAD NOT TAKEN
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Robert Frost
Monday, January 10, 2005 @ 4:36 pm
This affected me a lot. I can only hope I have his bravery, courage, and sense of humanity if I'm ever in his shoes.
____________________________
A Brave Dane
Battling raging waves, he saved 10 kids until he himself was swept away by the waves.
By Ben Nadarajan (in Sri Lanka)
As the massive tsunami waves battered battered Sri Lanka's southern coastal resort of Matara, anyone with any sense at all fled.
All, except one strapping Danish tourist with wavy blonde hair.
Hurtling himself against the surf, Mr John Mailand, 32, dashed back to the beach not once, not twice, but six times, witnesses told The Straits Times.
With each trip, he grabbed an armful of stranded children from the waves and cradled them as he sprinted towards a hut on a hill 50m above sea level where everyone else had clustered.
There, he deposited them into the arms of their weeping mothers before charging off again.
At times, he waded through waist-high water. At others, he swam against the currents to reach screams for help.
Unfortunately, the grateful parents never got a chance to thank the "tall, big-sized man with wavy hair" for saving their little ones.
Because on Mr Mailand's sixth foray into the eye of the storm, just as he was trying to extricate a debris-pinned mother and child, a second round of tidal waves scopped down on him and swept him away.
Survivors said they saw the water pummel his bulky frame against a wall and snap his head against the concrete.
His limp body then sunk under the rapidly rising water. His distinct blond turf was the last things anyone saw of him.
Mr Mailand is one of more than 10 Danish nationals still missing and feared dead in Sri Lanka.
Little is known about him, although his heroics have kept the locals busy swopping stories about the brave "white man" who gave up his life to save at least 10 Sri Lanka children in a town he was only visiting for a week.
Madam Preema DeSilva, 34, the mother of a four-year-old girl who kept afloat clinging onto a tree trunk until Mr Mailand scooped her out of the water, described the Dane as a fearless "towering tree".
She told The Straits Times: "Water was everywhere. I was sure I had lost my girl. I was crying and praying when my husband suddenly touched my arm and pointed below."
Trudging up a row of steep steps was Mr Mailand, with Madam Preema's petrified daughter perched on his shoulders and clutching onto his forehead.
As soon as he set her down and patted her hair, he took off.
Said Madam Preema, who cooks in one of the beachside restuarants: "He left so quickly. I wanted to thank him. Without him, my girl would be gone."
Others who witnessed the Dane's bravery said it inspired them to do the same. Before long, several Sri Lankans and a few Caucasians also started running down to the beach to free the stranded.
Dive instructor Samthira Bambang, 42, said: "We were all thanking God that we had escaped the disaster as we thought everyone still down there was probably dead.
"But when the Dane kept coming back with more survivors, we felt ashamed that a foreigner was risking his life to help while we just stood there and did nothing to save our own people."
Australian tourist Harry Conway, 36, also saw Mr Mailand run tirelessly up and down the hill.
"He was almost struck by a floating tree once, but he ducked just in time. He did not seem to fear anything. people were shouting for him to run away when the second wave hit, but he just continued trying to lift the concrete slab off the woman and child. But it was too late," he related.
The town's police chief, Mr Domani Surjami, 48, also piped in with praises.
"He was safe. he could have gone home to his loved ones. But he knew there were others who needed his help. And he gave his life to save people he didn't even know," said Mr Domani. "No one here will ever forget what he did."
Thursday, January 06, 2005 @ 10:49 am
I found out something recently that isn't very pleasant but surprisingly I'm immune. No feelings. Zilch. Or perhaps it's all been repressed and just waiting to hit me at the inappropriate time? Or maybe I'm just a hard-feeling person? Or maybe I just don't feel? Perhaps it's because I don't care enough about it but then again, how can I possibly not?
Questions and more questions. Threatening to disrupt the somewhat peacefulness of my sanctuary. Why?
Wednesday, January 05, 2005 @ 4:30 pm
I was watching a terrapin trying to squeeze its way into an opening, not realising it was virtually impossible with the shell it was carrying. Perhaps the pastures on the other side propelled it to try its utmost best, thinking it would be possible one day. Interestingly, it taught me some lessons:
(1) Sometimes I am like the terrapin. I keep trying to squeeze myself into a place where I think is good for me without taking a step back and realising, it is not the best place for me to be, or the most ideal way to go about it.
I think I finally understand how God must feel when we are like the terrapin. He sees the big picture, the final perspective that we cannot. Although I want to help the terrapin and simply pick it up and place it where it wanna go, it may not be the best plan for it.
(2) Yet at times, I wish I am like the terrapin. Even though it faces seemingly insurmountable difficulties, it continues to perservere and push on. Am I like that? Too often, I'll probably just sit there and whine.
So what's the moral of the story? To be or not to be (the terrapin), that is the question. The answer probably lies in the circumstances.
@ 11:13 am
Just 5 days into the new year and we're still reeling from the bad news. Tsunami. It is a wake-up call for me, and a reminder of what is to come in the end times. Perhaps then it is timely to do my self-reflection in the new year, to seek and understand what God wants me to do. Heard of close shaves from many friends, and count my blessings that they are safe, yet not all saved.